Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Will ? . . . Now ?

Today I am gonna be selfish. Today I am writing all about me. Today was supposed to be a day about Alex and his sisters, but I just can't quite make it about them. At least I can admit it, it's all about me!

You see, today was our meeting with our attorney to draw up our wills and special needs trust. We've been putting it off for years. Don't start yapping at me! We know it should have been done years ago. We just haven't been able to agree on who could take care of the kids the way we want them to be taken care of, especially Alex. Not only that, but it's not like there is a huge estate that needs to be divided!!

And NO, there is nothing wrong with either of us, well medically speaking anyways. We just decided that it was time, way past time, to do this!

Anyhow, we get to the attorney's office, still not sold on the guardianship issue, and man, things just got worse! The good news is that we've put this off long enough that Big Sis is 19, so she's an adult. I just gotta give her some money! Boy, is she going to be disappointed!

She is also old enough to be appointed guardian of Alex and Twin Sis. That is sort of a good thing, but she's is a college kid. I can't do that to a college kid! No matter how mad this particular college kid can make me! So, what to do in the interim?

Well, we filled in the blanks. I'm not happy about it. But not for the reason you might think!

You see, it's not that I won't be around to see them grow up. I am truly convinced that somehow I will. I know that I will be with the girls at their weddings and when they have kids. I'll be able to see Alex at his big horse show and at his first job. I don't exactly know how it will work, I just know that somehow, in someway, I will be there with them, even if I'm really not.

This may be a bit disturbing to some of you. But I know that Bis Sis is old enough to take care of herself. Twin Sis will be okay, too. The part that just sends me over the edge, as far as guardianship, is who would fight like me to get Alex what he needs at an IEP meeting I might miss? or to get an employer to hire Alex and help him succeed? For some reason, I have had all these meetings in my head, over and over. (I think I have too much time on my hands!)I have put every person I know in my shoes. As much as I, and Alex, love these people (well ... most of them!) NONE of them are would handle these meetings MY way.

Now, those of you that know me understand. Those of you that don't, here is Alex's Mom in a nutshell. There are always two options, mine or the other one. One is right and the other is wrong, VERY VERY WRONG! Guess which one is RIGHT? Do you see my predicament? Not only is my way the right way, I will fight to the death to see it through. Hmmm... That is gonna cause some problems here.....

Alex's Dad and I are very lucky. There are so many people out there who care very deeply for Alex and his Sisters. I know every one of the names that I could put in that blank would take very good care of Alex and both of our girls for as long as they live.

Can I help it that it upsets me that no one would do it MY WAY ?

I hate to admit it, and I am hoping he doesn't read this, but Alex's Dad put it to me very nicely. "No body's going to handle those meetings and things the way you do because no one else has lived with Alex." (I chose to believe that was a compliment to me and MY WAYS!) "Anyone we choose is going to make sure that he is taken care of very well and that he gets everything he needs and that we want for him!" I know he's right, that is how they made our short list!

I guess in the long run, it's not really how you get there, just that you get there! Everyone will make sure my kids reach their goal lines!

Maybe now, I can stop having meetings in my head and just go fill in that stupid blank! If only I had done this years ago when a responsible parent would have..... back before I knew what an IEP meeting was, back when I just needed to chose someone that I knew would love my kids!

OK... Lesson learned. And will completed. Now I just need to build up a nice estate!


Kelly said...

Hi from SITS! What a full and interesting life you have. I don't have kids yet but I can totally understand that you would have trepidation about the whole choosing who would take care of your kiddos if the you should go early...that's gotta be hard. Being prepared is important though...your heart will tell you what to do!

Anonymous said...

good for you for doing this ! It's hard, isn't it !?! I haven't brought myself to do it yet...but I do know I need to ! as you said, nobody will do it my way ! Nobody will love my kids the WAY I do. I choose to be around for as long as I can plus a day ! lol Sigh, this all makes my heart so heavy ! Such a great topic to hit head-on. but scary too !

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Stoppin by from SITS! I need to do this too.

Stephanie said...

Hi lady! I am glad I found your blog over @ Sits! I am in LawSchool...and I didn't realize how important wills were until I took the class! BUT I think you are doing a great thing by planning...and you can always change your will at anytime! But again...congrats for taking the step to protect your children! (and if your family/friends know how important the school mtgs are, etc...you can also write them a letter to be given to them when you pass on...hopefully you don't...expressing that that is soooo important to you...)

The Lesters said...

I think for any kids special needs or not, no one will parent them as well as Mom. Your feelings are totally normal. We haven't made a will yet either and we agonized as well over who would take the kids if anything should happen to us. We knew we weren't going to get perfect guardians so we just picked the best. You have nothing to feel bad about. Glad you were able to get everything squared away.

mosey along said...

Good for you - tackling this task is one my husband and I still haven't managed to get to. I'm going to use your experience as the kick in the butt required to get a move on it.

Virginia Mom said...

We still need to write a will... at least we are in agreement about who would be the kids guardians and all that- it's just a matter of putting it down on paper! Parents of special needs kids struggle even harder when it comes to this- my brother is almost 35 and he is a resident in an assisted living program, and that is where my parents want him to remain after they pass on because it's where he has lived his whole adult life and the staff is familiar with him. It's hard, but in the end if you can decide where your son would be happy and which guardian would honor his best interests and needs, then you have done your job.